Ask Amy: Long-ago love wants to visit ill friend

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Feb 18, 2024

What do you think?

– Sad Dad

Dear Sad Dad: Because you are stung by two momentous losses, I think you should take the issue of “Theo” living with you off the table for now, and focus instead on ways to maintain a positive and compassionate relationship with him during this period of extreme change and instability.

You should pursue grief counseling, which will help you to express and work through your sadness and anger.

Most teens over a certain age (depending on where you live) are legally allowed to choose which parent they want to live with. You should review your custody agreement.

However, in my view, you should NOT attempt to legally force your son to return to your home, unless living with his mother presents threats to his health or safety.

You don’t offer any details about your wife’s recent passing, and I’m assuming that this was a fairly traumatic time for both of you. Now you are both behaving in a way designed to avoid dealing directly with your grief – or each other – in order to shield your wounded hearts from your vastly altered reality.

Be patient. Reach out with kindness and concern. Offer Theo options to see you on weekends if he would like, and do your very best to be his loving dad, even from a distance.

Dear Amy: I appreciated your advice to “Cheerful Giver,” whose “love language” is giving material gifts, but was disappointed that on her birthday, her friends and family members didn’t reciprocate.

Thank you for pointing out that calls, texts, and cards represent caring relationships, and that these are gifts, too!

– Grateful

Dear Grateful: As I pointed out, “Words of Affirmation” is another love language. She should become fluent.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)