ArcaMax

Dear Amy: Have I been gaslighted?

My mother was a difficult person. She was often not nice to my sister-in-law.

I admired my SIL for taking the high road and for being respectful toward my mother, and I told her so many times.

I bumped heads big time with my mother, too, but had a good last six years when she moved near me and dementia ...Read more

Dear Amy, I'm a 45-year-old woman, married to my wife for five years. My issue is my 21-year-old son, who lives with us. He's a good kid but he's now unemployed (for four months) and spends his days playing video games.

My son is very book smart, had a full ride to a prestigious university, but only stayed for a year and a half.

He recently ...Read more

Dear Readers: Periodically, I publish “updates” to previous questions and answers published in this space. The following was published in 2018. The update follows the original Q&A.

Dear Amy: I grew up with two siblings — a brother and a sister. My brother, his wife and three children lived near our parents. My family and I (wife, two ...Read more

Dear Amy: I married a lovely man two years ago. We lived together for three years before marrying.

We met as his first, long-term marriage was falling apart. We are both 70 years old. We spend most of our time together, but my husband has always kept most of the other parts of his life a bit removed from our marriage. He insists that he is ...Read more

Dear Amy: My brother is due to get married next year and while I'm really happy for him, I'm dreading the idea of having to see my mother again.

Our mom ticks all the malignant narcissistic personality disorder boxes: Emotionally immature and dysregulated, lacks empathy, disrespectful of boundaries, etc.

I suffered horrendously growing up, but...Read more

Dear Amy: Some of my family members are going to have a mini family reunion in Paris in a few months – the city where my brother lives.

My brother’s son, wife and their two young children will be flying to Paris from Istanbul, and I will be flying in from the USA.

My nephew’s family and I will be staying at the same hotel.

Several ...Read more

Dear Amy: My 24-year-old daughter is expecting a baby boy.

She told me that she plans to use her biological dad's name as her baby's middle name.

Her dad, "Tobias," and I divorced when she was six and her brother was four. At the time, the literature advised divorced parents to never say anything unkind about one's ex. Thus, I did ...Read more

Dear Amy: How should I react to some of the baffling requests for gifts and money when invited to wedding showers, weddings, and baby showers?

I just received an invitation for my niece's baby shower (my sister is her mom).

Request number one was for a book instead of a card. OK, fine, but she is asking people to give this, along with...Read more

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for five years. Each of us has brought up the topic of having an open marriage at one time or another.

There is nothing wrong or missing in our marriage and our intimate life is incredible.

I am wondering – is this a healthy curiosity on our parts, or are we just asking for trouble?

– Confused

...Read more

Dear Amy: I’m a sophomore in college. My girlfriend and I met on campus at the beginning of the school year and have been together for six months (we’re both women).

We’re making plans for this summer – we’re both looking into working at a beach resort near our college.

Every summer I go to a reunion at my summer camp. This is a camp...Read more

Dear Amy: My wife is an avid runner and usually runs on the weekends with a group of regulars.

Recently a man entered the group, and he seems to be reaching out to her a lot. This started with questions about running, but seems to have morphed into other areas. He always initiates texts, and she responds politely by answering his questions.

...Read more

Dear Amy: I've been married for 30 years, I believed happily.

My wife was never demonstrative emotionally, but I believed that we loved each other.

Three years ago, she told me that she was no longer interested in sex, and didn't see that changing. This was a surprise to me, but the one rule of our sex life that she always insisted on was that...Read more

Dear Amy: I attended a professional conference recently.

The attendees from my company were the president, the executive director, a co-worker, and myself.

The president and executive director invited my co-worker and myself out for dinner.

During these large conventions, it is rare to be able to sit down for more than 20 minutes and have a ...Read more

Dear Amy: I’m a widower, and my significant other, “Siena,” is a widow.

Long ago, we dated in college (semi-seriously) for a couple years, but “life” got in the way and we drifted apart.

We married other people. Both of our spouses are deceased.

Decades later, we are now in a wonderful relationship.

Last year I brought Siena to my ...Read more

Dear Amy: I have two friends I’ve been extremely close to over the past 10-15 years.

These two friends don’t know each other, but they each have been an important part of my life – but are not my only close friends.

Based on comments made over the years, I’ve suspected that these two people were racists, but only recently have they ...Read more

Dear Readers: I value hearing back from people who have had their questions published in this space. Like you, I am curious about how people dealt with their dilemmas, and I wonder whether my advice was useful.

I’m happy to publish this “update” from a reader whose original question was published in June 2012.

The original Q&A is below, ...Read more

Dear Amy: I have a 49-year-old daughter who is an elementary school teacher. She became an alcoholic during Covid. She has a master’s degree, a beautiful home, and a partner of nine years.

She will lose it all, due to her drinking.

She won't go to AA, and I have suggested inpatient rehab – to no avail.

It is breaking my heart.

Her father...Read more

Dear Amy: Recently I received a Facebook friend request from “Frank,” a man I had an affair with 20 years ago.

This was more than an affair because Frank and I were best friends. We talked about everything!

I would have left my then-boyfriend for him back then, as that relationship was going south fast.

Frank and I both ended up with ...Read more

Dear Amy: I have a lot of hesitation about a visit by my brother and sister-in-law this summer.

They live out of state and last visited us two years ago. That visit did not go well.

My brother made a lot of negative comments about my family and our lifestyles, including how we live and where we live.

During our communication through phone ...Read more

Dear Amy: ‘Tis the season for wedding advice, I guess.

My partner and I are planning a very small affair on a low budget.

We recently recruited my future mother-in-law to help with last-minute planning (we were doing it all ourselves).

The caterer is delivering dinner to our venue in the form of buffet-style trays.

My plan was to have ...Read more