Introvert wonders how to explain herself
I just turned 25 and am engaged to my girlfriend. She moved back to her hometown (out of state), while I finished my education.
I've been excited about the idea of starting a new chapter in my life, but am worried on how to break it to my mom because it also means she will have to move out of the apartment that's been her home for 16 years. I don't want to make her sad.
-- Scared Son
Dear Scared: You don't say what sort of subsidized housing you are in, but you might help your mother by researching (or assisting her to research, if necessary) the rules and guidelines for this housing. Go over the lease terms and check the HUD.gov website for guidelines.
Break your news to her quietly, firmly and with compassion for her complicated feelings.
If losing you as a dependent means that your mother has to move into a different apartment, you can help her the most by understanding that this presents a stress for her. However, it is not your responsibility to never grow up and leave home in order to protect your mother from feeling sad. Your job is to obtain your education, find useful work, forge healthy relationships and go out into the world. Your mother's job is to let you.
Dear Amy: I disagreed with your response to "Frustrated by Family." The woman who wrote to you had a much-younger sister (age 21) who wanted to bring a friend to visit the older sister.
I think the younger sister wanted to bring the friend as "cover." My much older sister was so judgmental toward me that I didn't know how to relate to her, especially when I was a young adult. You should have advised Frustrated to be more understanding toward her.
-- Younger Sister
Dear Younger Sister: The dynamic you describe could well be in play in this relationship, but "Frustrated" didn't present any evidence.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
