ArcaMax

Dear Worried: You are alarmed about the wrong thing. Your girlfriend seems to have very serious emotional problems and possibly mental illness, and she needs a (fresh) professional assessment and treatment. Clearly, the Xanax is not working. Nor are the cigarettes and pot.

You appear to be a hostage to your girlfriend's illness and behavior. Your choice to flirt with someone else should tell you that you need some relief from the oppressive atmosphere at home.

Despite her hints that she owes her life to you, please understand that it is not your job to fix your girlfriend. Her emotional, mental and physical health are her responsibility. Her behavior is extreme, and her illness has the power to profoundly affect your life. You are walking on eggshells at home. You are afraid of your girlfriend's reactions.

The relationship you are in is abusive, violent and frightening. It is not normal, and it is not safe for you. Please put your own health and safety first, and consider leaving this relationship unless she gets professional help and is able to change.

Dear Amy: I am reaching out to you because I am struggling with a decision about what to do about my neighbor.

He appears to be meeting up with "other" women late at night and engaging in secular affairs.

There are two different women he meets, and he either gets into their vehicle with them or they hang around on the playground equipment of the park next door to his house. This area is surrounded by houses overlooking the park.

I know his wife. We've been neighbors for a long time. I know that he and his wife do things together. They have three children.

Do I tell his wife? Do I confront him?

So far I haven't told anyone, but I started recording the dates and times of when I see him with the other women in the park. I am not comfortable with what he is doing. Any advice would be appreciated.

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