ArcaMax

Should we say it once and then back off? If he asks for money, should we lie and say everything we have is tied up in stocks? Or should we just "hope" he figures it out? We love him and want the very best for him.

-- Worried

Dear Worried: Given your own experience in the housing market, the last thing you should do is suggest that your debt-ridden and high-spending family member try to buy a house.

According to you, this man has a lot of problems, up to and including his weight and appearance, his joints and his work and personal habits.

If he asks for money, that is your invitation to share your views on his money and spending issues, in order to try to help him. By all means, you should try to warn him about the consequences of his financial choices. And then -- you should let him feel the consequences of these choices. If you don't want to loan money to him, then you must say "no." Don't lie about it. His spending and debt make him a very poor prospect for paying back any loan.

His weight, relationship prospects and employment -- these things are his business. Back off and stop judging him.

Dear Amy: With all of the social and political turmoil in the world: the shootings, police problems and political discord, what is appropriate to discuss at work?

I feel very strongly about these issues but feel uncomfortable discussing them at work, because I don't feel it is the correct setting and can disrupt others' work.

I have a co-worker who has no problem discussing these issues very heatedly in the middle of the office, which is made up of cubicles.

I dread it when he comes up to me, because I know he will try to engage me in an intense discussion, yet, I don't want to come off as unfeeling and uncaring, as I am very upset and affected by these events.

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