What are the maid and gardener doing in the family cabin?
DEAR AMY: I am in a longtime non-romantic relationship with a man. Neither of us has a romantic partner or is dating at the moment, and we go out to dinner frequently. Unfortunately, he seems clueless about what most people consider good table manners.
I am not a social snob, but his eating habits create an uncomfortable dining experience for me. Additionally, I don't feel comfortable having him accompany me to certain events, such as my upcoming college reunion or family gatherings where I know others would notice and judge him.
If he knew that a few simple changes in the way he eats would be advantageous to him socially, I believe he would try to make the changes, but I can't be the one to bring it up. I don't want to hurt his feelings or insult him. Do you have suggestions? -- Sensitive Diner
DEAR DINER: You don't mention what your friend does that is so objectionable, but if you are close friends, you should be able to offer feedback in an honest way and he should be able to handle it. You could start by asking your friend, "We eat together so often -- can I offer you some feedback about table manners?" Also give him this helpful book: "A Gentleman at the Table: A Concise, Contemporary Guide to Table Manners" by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis (2004, Thomas Nelson). The first page lists commonsense rules all polite people should follow at the table.
DEAR AMY: In response to "Academically Challenged," the college freshman with cerebral palsy: Please suggest the student check out the support services offered by the college. Many colleges have an office dedicated to helping students with a wide variety of physical and mental health challenges succeed. The transition to college is difficult for most students. This student is not stupid -- but courageous. Connecting with college services and other students who may be in similar situations will give this student the confidence to cope with school and the parents' concerns. -- Karen, a College Academic Adviser
DEAR KAREN: I hope my suggestion that she visit her academic adviser provides Challenged with resources offered by her school.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
