Host Won't Share Breakfast With Guest

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin on May 3, 2024

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 25 and am lucky to be studying overseas in France. It is a financial struggle, but worth the effort, I think.

I don't splurge on much of anything; I can't, really. But I do indulge my love of breakfast. I will go out in the morning and buy a single buttery croissant, a bit of jam, some rich cheese, a few pieces of fruit and an espresso. I bring it all back to my tiny apartment and enjoy it by an open window.

I recently had a friend from the U.S. come to visit. She is not a morning person, and was asleep when I went to get my breakfast. She rose while I was enjoying it in the morning sun.

She asked, "What's for breakfast?" and I told her there was muesli and other cereal in the pantry, a baguette from the night before, and an egg if she wished one. I also mentioned that I had instant coffee, unless she'd like to go to the corner cafe.

She said she would prefer to have what I was having. I told her that it was my special breakfast, an indulgence I could barely afford, and did not have enough to share.

She was rather upset, I think. She was a bit sullen the rest of the day. That evening, she told me I was an awful host to eat something so lovely in front of a guest and not provide the same for her. I explained again about my limited resources and the idea this was a little thing I did for just myself.

I did not have my special breakfast again while she was there, and she returned to the U.S. a few days later. I have not heard from her since she left. Was I as poor a host as she says? Do I owe her an apology?

GENTLE READER: Will you think Miss Manners une vache if she tells you "Yes" and "Oui"?

It is indeed impolite for a host to indulge in food he is not willing to share -- even if you thought you could get away with it before your guest woke up. An acceptable solution might have been to purchase enough for part of it: two croissants, for example, or only the fruit. Furthermore, pointing out repeatedly that your limited resources were restricted only to yourself did not likely garner the sympathy you seemingly expected.

But if it makes you feel better, it was also impolite for your guest to keep pushing when you told her what was available -- and, of course, to tell you explicitly that you were an awful host. Quel dommage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I baked cinnamon rolls and decided to share part of the batch with a friend. I packed some in a container and sent them home with said friend.

At a later meeting, my friend returned the container, covered in residual frosting. I appreciated that they remembered to return it, but found it somewhat rude that it was dirty. When sharing cookware, whose responsibility is the washing?

GENTLE READER: The one who got the free cinnamon rolls.

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