ArcaMax

Dear Amy: When I was growing up, my father called me terrible names, almost always centered on insulting my intelligence (calling me "stupid," a "nitwit," etc.). When I did well in college, he questioned how challenging my school was.

My mother also insulted me, usually about my appearance (calling me "fat," etc.), and questioned why a man would ever be attracted to me. I am adopted and both parents seemed to think that my many flaws were genetic.

Now, my parents are senior citizens living in a nursing home, and I am 50 years old.

The rude comments continue. I've been quiet about it over the years, out of respect for my parents. But the last straw came today when my Dad said to me, "Enough of your stupid writing. You need to quit that and get a real job." Amy, I've been a freelance writer for eight years. I love what I do, and I'm good at it.

Prior to my writing career, I spent many unhappy years in a different career, and my Dad made snide comments about that, too.

I am at the breaking point. If anyone else was this verbally abusive, snarky and insulting to me, I'd tell them off and cut them out of my life.

I am not a doormat and will not put up with disrespect, but I don't know how to handle this.

I'm thinking that for my sanity, cutting my parents out of my life might be the only option. Can you help?

-- Daughter at a Loss

Dear Daughter: Before walking away from your parents altogether (which would be your last resort), you should start to speak your truth in a way where you would at least feel you've stood up for yourself.

...continued