Family of alcoholic enables after mother's death
Dear Amy: My father is a 70-year-old alcoholic and gambler who refuses to accept help.
My mother kept him in "check" for 50 years, but she died last year.
Being of the "old school" generation, she did everything for him, down to tying his shoes.
Now that she is gone, he expects the entire family to just pick up where my mom left off. He refuses to make any effort, whatsoever.
I understand he's very depressed and misses her, but after a year I feel he should step up a little.
I've tried more than once to get him to accept help for his addictions but as you know an addict cannot be forced to accept help.
After a few months of doing laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc., without even a simple thank you from him, I've had enough and refuse to lend a hand until he makes just even a little effort.
The rest of my family continues to put up with his nonsense and are angry with me for not helping anymore.
I know he's my father, but does that make it right for him to just assume we should all cater to all of his bad habits? My mother chose to put up with it. I'm choosing not to. All I want is for him to try -- just a little. What do you think? -- Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Your mother enabled your father to dive into his addictions, and now your siblings are filling in the void, because she is gone and they don't know what else to do. Right now, your whole family system depends on your father getting his shoes tied.
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