Mom wants husband to be more engaged with baby
Dear Amy: I've been married for five years to a wonderful, funny and very hardworking man. We have one child, who just turned a year old.
We live 10 hours away from my family/friends and five hours away from my in-laws. My husband travels for his job, so most of the time it's just me and our son at home -- sometimes for weeks at a time.
When my husband is home, he isn't helpful with our son. I brushed it off when our baby was a newborn, thinking he was nervous about hurting the baby, or simply didn't know what to do. But after a year of doing everything by myself I'm getting frustrated!
Even when my son is napping and I want to run to get groceries, my husband will ask me to wait until he wakes up and take him with me.
The very few times I left him with our son (never for more than an hour) I will return and smell poop and ask if he changed his diaper. He'll shrug and say, "You didn't tell me to." He gives me the same answer if I ask if he fed him, gave him a bottle, etc. At bedtime when I ask for a hand, he suddenly has to run to the store.
He does play, chase him around and reads him books, but I still need a hand for the day-to-day care, especially because we are so far away from our family.
How can I encourage him to step up? How can I get help without begging/nagging? -- Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed: It is not unusual to feel uncomfortable doing hands-on baby care, if you aren't home often enough for these things to become second nature.
Because he isn't in the home consistently, you will have to basically train him in basic baby care and proactively promote bonding. Celebrate their special relationship and keep your own expectations realistic.
When you two go out together with your baby, find another task to do and ask your husband to get the baby dressed. Don't criticize any choices he makes and, if he asks for help, answer his questions, but don't jump in.
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